Saturday its weigh in day, however due to the snow the last few days weigh in at WW class was called off, always sad to not be able to catch up with my friends. I travel 80 miles to attend the same WW class, I moved from Wiltshire almost 2 years ago, that time has flown by fast! I travel that far for two reasons one because I am very fond of my friends which includes my WW coach and also my family still live in Swindon
Today was a family dinner to celebrate our sons 30 birthday, in the past I would have been scared to eat out, but in those days it was for reasons other than being worried if I would go off plan or over eat! In the past I was so big it was fear, shame, anxiety, panic attacks. So many things to worry about, people looking at me, people judging me and what I was eating, afraid I would not fit in the chairs or even break them, walking past other people in venues was hard as I was so big often I would knock things over as I passed by them. Even thinking about those things would all bubble up in my stomach and I would feel sick and often cancel going to an event last minute because I could not face going through with it
I did find a way to feel able to go out, I became interested in photography, having the camera made me feel I had a legitimate reason to be out in public, it gave me a confidence that I could hide behind, I was not just the huge woman struggling to walk. In a way the camera was a self validation of I was worth while. This is a long story and I will dip in and out of it I expect as the story telling goes by. Photography gave me a lease of life and a reason to just be
Anyhow I diverse! As I often do. So today I was able to feel nice in the clothes I was wearing, feel confident in walking into the restaurant and know I will fit in any chair, that may seem such a simple thing to the average person but to me its priceless. I am now able to look at a menu and choose wisely, today I ate mixed meat grill, salad and jacket potato, leaving out any dressing and butter, living a more mindful life with food and making wise choices has helped me lose so much weight. There are times in the last year I have been binging, usually through stress or low mood as a trigger, binging and stress eating is something I want to talk about but will save that for another day
My top tip when eating out, for me is looking ahead at the menu on line if you can, or even call ahead a day or two before and ask if the chef can prepare something special for you, I have done this on many occasion and the chefs always happy to help out
Below my mix grill with salad and jacket potato, when I got home I made my own oat bran mug cake, the cakes at the restaurant looked amazing but glad I chose not to have one. Lastly a photo of my son and I, hard to believe he is 30!
Tonight I am going to bed feeling content and happy to be me, until the next time take care…….