9th August 2014

9 th August 2014 was a Saturday, I woke up early, often did not sleep due to so much pain in body from laying down. I had been trying to lose weight for a few weeks now and not really feeling like I had lost all that much weight, but I was getting my trigger foods in control and was starting to feel a little more positive. I had resounded myself that I was going to have to continue to prove I could lose weight in order to have the bariatric op I had applied for. On this Saturday morning I woke up with a clear mindset, right I am really going to go for this – no more fear, yet I was afraid, but squished that thought out of my head. I said to my husband Darren I am going to see which WW class is open and going to it! Such was my determination to see this through – I had done WW before and new it could work, well any plan can work, we just have to drive them! But I knew what to expect with WW and felt less fearful. My husband drove me and as usual was so hard to get in the car, he would lift my legs into the foot well, the pain was terrible in my hips, I am very bottom heavy shape and much of my weight was on the lower half and legs. We drove to Haydon Wick in Swindon where the class was being held in a small church hall. I hauled myself out of the car, and took a few steps was no far only maybe 10 steps, I had to steady myself and regain composure before walking through the door, stop myself panting. I walked in a bit scared to look up, I did notice one lady look up at me, was later to realise what a beautiful soul she is. The room was buzzing as there was a class just finishing, I found a seat to sit on, took off my jacket and just sat until it was time for the class to start. My usual WW leader was not there that day, I am afraid I can not remember the stand in leaders name. She was kind I could feel myself panicking to stand on the scales, not so much the number but the pain, when your legs are so very big brining them together and keeping them in that position for more than a few seconds is so difficult, and as the base of the scales is not the large, I had to hold my legs together to stand to get weighed. I can remember a few people saying hello, but if I am honest it was all a blur at the time. I can remember the stand in leader explaining the Simple Start to me and I loved the sound of this formula, just what I needed, I had been eating pretty simple foods with the help from the bariatric support group nutritionists so the two fitted well together.  My husband had waited outside patiently for me, I was so relieved to have joined and something new to focus on, an extra support group to help me lose the weight so I could have that operation and save my life!

There are so many finer things to tell you – I hardly know where to begin to form the picture of how I felt and what it meant to me. After so many attempts to lose weight I had a plan this time it was going to be the last time! The operation was a back up and I was helping myself in the meant time. There was genuine hope within my heart – that started with having self worth enough to consider I am worth the effort to change, everything I had done in my past until now had not worked and that thought was strong in my head, so with that in mind I took upon this as a chance to go about things in a very different way – the penny had finally dropped!

until next time….

Lisa x

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