Never Ending Journey

Recently I have found myself being able to admit to myself and out loud to others that I have been having problems with binge eating, which usually happens on a weekend after a couple of drinks, then that leads onto feeling hungry, eating snacks, then another drink, then crazy tipsy cooking when I get home! Then the old homage to “I will start again on Monday’ I am sure many of you know that feeling?

Well I would say I am approx 21 lbs up on my happy place. I feel as though this last year and a half I have been living hanging onto the tail of a huge storm, holding tight and being whipped around not being able to breath, then catch my breath, then the swirling around out of emotional control which felt physical too, I was in the eye of my storm trying to  hold on, yet around and around in cycles I went.  The fighter in me kept believing I could sort this, yet I kept having great weeks in control then a few weeks out of control with the binging.

It has taken me a while, I stepped back from social media a little and just tried to focus on the why? Why do I want this? Today I was shopping and at the shopping centre I saw a very large man, tummy hanging to the floor passed his knees, hardly holding himself up and I recognised that figure, I wanted to cry and go and talk to him, but how could I? I listened to no one when I was in a similar physical position. This made me aware of many people around me today, looking on and so many people are over weight, and struggling to walk, it filled me with great sadness as I remember my own physical discomfort – I am not saying those people felt like me at all, they may be happy with their life. I was not and all I wanted was to be mobile, really mobile to enjoy life. So this really brought it home to me today, to remember why I want to eat healthier and control my eating and weight. My why is – I want to remain mobile.

So today is day 4 back in control of my eating, I have not gone hungry at all, I have made the most of vegetables, fruit and protein, made some kind of pudding that satisfies my sweet tooth, I dug deep and just focused on one day at a time, like I used to. This method has worked really well for me, so I decided to focus on just one day, getting to bed with that day in the bag and not worry about tomorrow.

As to planning, I buy a good stock of food in my cupboards, fridge and freezer that allow me to plan as I fancy, so it is a sort of lose planning, this has always worked for me. So I plan to continue to shop wisely, I am going on holiday in a caravan soon, I plan to take my own foods with me and make oat bran or oat cakes for treats while away. The biggest challenge really is not to have a beer or glass of wine, which I enjoy the taste of, I am trying to remind myself why I did not drink for 3 years – because I knew it was a trigger for me to go off the rails with eating, I do not want to be in the position for the rest of my life that I can not have a glass of wine or beer, but for now whilst I am recovering from binging I need to set it aside.

I am also reading positive quotes daily and listening to uplifting music, looking for new music. Planning a few dreams, I often dream of owning a coffee shop thats dog friendly, by the coast or river. I used to have a set of drums and enjoyed trying to learn to play them, I dream of starting that again too! I dream of a home near the ocean where I can hear the sea, I dream of my grand children coming to stay and we play and walk on the beach with Beau my dog running beside us. Dreaming is good it helps me feel positive and aim, find a way to make those dreams a reality. I am capable I made my dream of being mobile a reality now didn’t I?

Never going back  to this!

With the love of my husband, my family, my dog Beau and my friends at Weight Watchers I turned my life into one of hope and removed the word despair. Life is for living and appreciating the now and those in it, do not look back with regret it will rob you of hope and dreams of tomorrow. Love yourself and those around you

 

Thank you to my husband the love of my life

35 thoughts on “Never Ending Journey”

  1. I know your struggles too well. Once I have something sweet I can’t stop then I end up feeling really rubbish. Do you still go to meetings, I find I’m ok for the first 2/3 days then my motivation seems to wonder off. Love your blog xx

  2. Well done on admitting the problem and good luck with your new found strength on your journey. Onwards and upwards. Every days a new day x

  3. Thankyou for your insight and very personal story. I am not to good with words. I am struggling too, dad is on the dementia pathway and has been for some time. I comfort eat but with yourself and the groups help this has not been as out of control as it could be. Life is a rollercoaster at the moment and my husband and I get very tied. I am learning to be kind to myself and celebrate the small victories with your help. Not being perfect and owning struggles enables me to carryon.

  4. like you said .just take a day at a time .its your life .and at your own .pace .you .will get into ,it again .we all ,have fall backs in life .now .its forword .again .its like .walking .in the woods .you dont know .when .the end of .the path .is .then before you know it .it is .infront of you .we can all help you .on that path .you can do it .one step at a time .love ,lorna xx

  5. Liza that a lovely blog it sounds so like myself I’ve been struggling for 2 years since Christmas I lost 19 poundbut went back off the rails again a couple of weeks ago and started going back up so I’m keeping your blog tucked away in my mind and fingers crossed xx

  6. Great blog Lisa, we all have our off days but it’s not easy to admit to it. I love a drink or two at weekends but then find it hard to resist the temptation to eat. You are such an inspiration, you should be so proud and as long as you put it out there and in away be answerable to us all it will help keep you on track.
    Thanks for all the encouragement and recipes over the years, I was just thinking the other day I was one of the first to join this group and look how far we’ve come. Xx

  7. Oh lisa you could be writing about me! Only i dont drink but boy i can eat , iv had 2 months off mindless eating and have gained 7lbs , luckily iv had a word with myself and got back on track but its the hardest battle of my life – i got myself off heroin 25 years ago and compared to this it was easy !!!! I also gave up smoking easily but food is my nightmare . Xx keep plodding on xx

  8. I love your honesty. It is hard to comprehend that the before photo is you! I always find your posts an inspiration and motivates me in my weight loss struggle . You look incredible and be proud of your achievement.

  9. Wow….your words resonated with me so much….you are an inspiration…looking forward to seeing your future blogs and Good Luck!!
    We will shed those lbs and love ourselves!!

  10. l can totally relate to this and the circle of regret,shame , guilt . l can be so focused then the will feel guilty for having a treat which leads me to binge the whole evening sending me back to a dark place of failure and selfdegust . l also have a big fear of regaining the weight lve worked so hard to loose and that people are just waiting for me too just so they can say ‘ l knew she pile it back on ” . lts all in my head so l need to learn to control these thoughts that send me down the dark road. Thank you for this its help me realise it not just me its another hurdle to get over in this journey we’re on .

  11. Oh my goodness …. I wept at reading this , so heart felt and emotional… so many journeys I feel I have also travelled . Life, love, weight loss, mother, kids, hubby…. and still trying to hold everything together . As well as being all these people you feel you owe it to all of us to be on that pedestal.. never faulting , if you do ‘what would we say?’ I feel your pain … remember you are you , a mother, wife, nana. Friend …… and not a ‘perfect person’ who doesn’t live life to the full ! He proud of who you have become and not what people want you to be xxx Life is too short to be put under pressure ❤️❤️❤️ Xx

  12. I’ve been in the same boat of late. I had a rough winter with my arthritis, which made exercising difficult. I am back on track this week as of Tuesday. Lisa, you blog is soooo inspirational. Thank you

  13. Thank you for sharing this Lisa. You have turned your life around and you are happy, healthy and gorgeous…and yet I totally understand what you are saying about bingeing….I do this too! It is how I got to the weight I am…giving up smoking didn’t help…I replaced that with other bad habits. You are now back on track…Well Done you! You are an inspiration to everyone. Xx

  14. What a heart breaking and yet heart warming account of your life over the last few months. It must have been very difficult and challenging but you have overcome your demons and have focused on the here and now helped by the love and support of your husband and the fellow members of your WW group. Taking it one day at a time is the way forward, keep going and don’t look back. Thank you for your honest account of your life, l wish you well and every success, xxx

  15. I see some of me in you I lost 108lb to get to my goal March 2014
    I was in control help at my meeting a great leader and supportive group then the lymelight was off me and I am floundering.I thrived on each week of losing and the support suddenly it’s on someone else as it should be
    This week I have noticed the overweight people more thinking I can’t go back there I’m 28 lb up at the moment so still looking good in my clothes as I’m 5ft 10 ins but need to get a grip wine as become more and more a part of an evening
    Reading your blog is bringing it all home to me I’m away next week and haven’t weighed for 2 weeks so hoping that I can sort my head out and look forward to your posts
    Gwynneth x

  16. Inspiring. Great post. You’ll get there. You’ve made your dreams come true before, you can do this ❤❤❤

  17. I loved your blog it is a story that I can relate to maybe I have different triggers but emotionally I also struggle and am an emotional eater I struggle every day with the “enemy within “ I also lost my weight and don’t want to revert back to that overweight person but suffer with various emotional issues so never give up the fight towards better health

  18. Thank you for this Lisa – you are and always will be an inspiration. Remember to be kind to yourself too – wishing you much love

    1. Thank you Trish – I feel I have been in turmoil now for over a year – it is all part of the life long journey x

  19. Lisa, you are an inspiration to everyone who knows you or who reads this. You are so honest with your feelings. You have done amazing with the way you have turned things around. Your story will Im sure give others Hope that they too can turn their life around. Keep doing what your doing lovely lady. Xxx

    1. Thank you Jackie – I have always spoken from the heart, always worn my heart on my sleeve, but at times when vulnerable I have withdrawn, I have found that when I start to recover is when I start to talk and share.

  20. You are amazing Lisa you are also human, you have down so well ,we have all gone down that road,but you have pulled yourself back ,you can do it all the best x

    1. Hi Rosemarie, yes I know this is true, but at times it can be hard to not berate myself when I know I have knowledge and choose to ignore it – still it is all part of learning about who we are, thank you x

  21. Lisa you have done so amazingly well and you have shared your journey, which at times must be hard. But know that you have helped and inspired so many people along the way, me being one of them!! Good luck with the rest of your journey..you will get to where you want to be. Much love xx

  22. Lisa – you are an inspiration to myself and so many others. We all have hiccups along the way, yep remembering why is the key. For me – being mobile is also my motivation. I never want to have to be in a nursing home being looked after and needing 2-3 people to help me move or even worse a hoist. You can do this, we all know you can. We will be in the wings supporting you the whole way. Take care of yourself – you are precious.

  23. So inspiring Lisa. Thanks for sharing. I’m with Weight Watchers too and have been yo yo’ing for a while. After reading this, I feel I can really do it if I really try and I’ve taken some of your tips to give a go. Thank you xxx

  24. Missing you on connect…..and hope you are okay….love your posts and your blog…..admire your honesty….I too am stuck in that lose/gain cycle and hardly feel like I am hanging on right now ….but dread to put all the Weight back on as I feel so much better …..it’s good to know we’re not alone in our struggles…….hoping you are okay x

  25. Lisa
    This week at my WW class we talked about remembering our “why”. It’s really key for me as I think I had lost sight. Reading your blog for the first time has really inspired me. Thank you. Btw you look beautiful ,❤️ xx

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