Recently I have found myself being able to admit to myself and out loud to others that I have been having problems with binge eating, which usually happens on a weekend after a couple of drinks, then that leads onto feeling hungry, eating snacks, then another drink, then crazy tipsy cooking when I get home! Then the old homage to “I will start again on Monday’ I am sure many of you know that feeling?
Well I would say I am approx 21 lbs up on my happy place. I feel as though this last year and a half I have been living hanging onto the tail of a huge storm, holding tight and being whipped around not being able to breath, then catch my breath, then the swirling around out of emotional control which felt physical too, I was in the eye of my storm trying to hold on, yet around and around in cycles I went. The fighter in me kept believing I could sort this, yet I kept having great weeks in control then a few weeks out of control with the binging.
It has taken me a while, I stepped back from social media a little and just tried to focus on the why? Why do I want this? Today I was shopping and at the shopping centre I saw a very large man, tummy hanging to the floor passed his knees, hardly holding himself up and I recognised that figure, I wanted to cry and go and talk to him, but how could I? I listened to no one when I was in a similar physical position. This made me aware of many people around me today, looking on and so many people are over weight, and struggling to walk, it filled me with great sadness as I remember my own physical discomfort – I am not saying those people felt like me at all, they may be happy with their life. I was not and all I wanted was to be mobile, really mobile to enjoy life. So this really brought it home to me today, to remember why I want to eat healthier and control my eating and weight. My why is – I want to remain mobile.
So today is day 4 back in control of my eating, I have not gone hungry at all, I have made the most of vegetables, fruit and protein, made some kind of pudding that satisfies my sweet tooth, I dug deep and just focused on one day at a time, like I used to. This method has worked really well for me, so I decided to focus on just one day, getting to bed with that day in the bag and not worry about tomorrow.
As to planning, I buy a good stock of food in my cupboards, fridge and freezer that allow me to plan as I fancy, so it is a sort of lose planning, this has always worked for me. So I plan to continue to shop wisely, I am going on holiday in a caravan soon, I plan to take my own foods with me and make oat bran or oat cakes for treats while away. The biggest challenge really is not to have a beer or glass of wine, which I enjoy the taste of, I am trying to remind myself why I did not drink for 3 years – because I knew it was a trigger for me to go off the rails with eating, I do not want to be in the position for the rest of my life that I can not have a glass of wine or beer, but for now whilst I am recovering from binging I need to set it aside.
I am also reading positive quotes daily and listening to uplifting music, looking for new music. Planning a few dreams, I often dream of owning a coffee shop thats dog friendly, by the coast or river. I used to have a set of drums and enjoyed trying to learn to play them, I dream of starting that again too! I dream of a home near the ocean where I can hear the sea, I dream of my grand children coming to stay and we play and walk on the beach with Beau my dog running beside us. Dreaming is good it helps me feel positive and aim, find a way to make those dreams a reality. I am capable I made my dream of being mobile a reality now didn’t I?
Never going back to this!
With the love of my husband, my family, my dog Beau and my friends at Weight Watchers I turned my life into one of hope and removed the word despair. Life is for living and appreciating the now and those in it, do not look back with regret it will rob you of hope and dreams of tomorrow. Love yourself and those around you
Thank you to my husband the love of my life