Never Ending Story

At 58 years of age I am still learning things about myself, realising with shocking clarity that I have not reached the end of the road. I am surprised I have inner strength to face up to the fact life is not black and white, which is historically how I have motored onwards with that daily vision through this journey. When I was ahead I was strong, dedicated, motivated, one mistake and I was crashed, burned, beat myself to a pulp emotionally and got lost in a dark black fog, settled there as in my mind I felt I had ruined any chances I had, I had failed, I was a waste of time. I had crashed and burned any hope of the future I had worked so hard to create.

Choosing to stay in a dark place, came to a close when my Dr offered me counselling earlier in the year, it was via telephone support due to Covid, but I had made a connection with this person. After pouring out my heart to him in our first talk, I got myself into a state and during a quiet moment he asked me “what makes you think its all over”? he carried on and said “its not over until your last breath” those words turned my life around, I had packed my bags and was ready to say goodbye, had settled that I had blown everything, yet in that moment my counsellor hit me with a moment so cleansing and clarifying I felt blown away but how true his words were. Over 8 weeks he helped me to make great progress in how I viewed life, those within it, my own self, I am forgiving and care deeply for others but never had found it easy to forgive myself for mistakes. I shall ever be grateful to him and for my Dr putting me forward – sometimes I feel I was visited by an an angel who lifted me up, who enveloped me in the purist of love of a neighbour, someone I had never known before, probably will never ever meet in person, yet this man had made a huge difference to my approach to getting well and step forwards with a hopeful heart.

It is really tough to write these numbers down as I never ever thought I would find myself back in this place. Over 4 years I gained so much weight, I ballooned back up to 27 stone 11 lbs. Since then I have lost weight, I applied for gastric bypass via my GP who forwarded me to the hospital. Last September I had my first visit to the bariatric Dr who said I was to lose weight and eat only certain things. Which I did for a while, then fell off the waggon and gained weight, so when I went back to see her few months later I was back up to 27 stone. She again told me to go away and try once more. During last year I had a severe groin injury which was so painful and hard to live with, I again eventually felt at breaking point once more, ‘the do or die’ moment had again arrived.

The Dr said I could eat the following:

Weetabix, no bread, no pasta, no rice

Vegetables, no potatoes

Fruit no mango or banana

Sugar free jelly

Skimmed milk

Fat free yogurt

Protein lean of any sort

That list got me started in March this year, slowly the last couple of weeks I have been introducing some of my No Count way of living, it is going well, mentally and emotionally each day I am once again starting to feel creative in the kitchen. My husband has mainly been shopping and cooking for me from the food I was restricted to and that pressure taken off of me, has been so, so helpful.

Today I am ready, I feel able to and want to start creating again, once again I feel “I can” do this! I weighed in last Monday at 24 stone 2 1/2 lbs. Slow but sure its coming off, slowly I am becoming more mobile again. Just like the last time I lost a lot of weight with WW it was loss of mobility that drove me to want to recover.

Even though I have applied for gastric operation, just like last time it does not mean I will accept it. 6 years ago I applied for it and did not go ahead with it as I felt WW was easier, this time my application is a safety net again, I have run out of time to keep having relapses. So I am keeping my mind open with regards to an op – as I know its not an easy route to take.

During the months of spring two of my dearest friends passed away. Both ladies Jean and Nicky were such wonderful friends, who I miss with all my heart. When I saw Jean one of the later visits she said to me “you will be where I am Lisa if you do not sort yourself out”, Jean and I had both belonged to the same WW group where we first met and founded a solid friendship. Nicky I met at school junior school many years ago.

It has taken such losses to cement my acceptance I need and want to change, this may well be my last chance. In memory of Jean and Nicky I want to live my best life.

Below a recent photo of me with me new grandson.


Cauliflower Chocolate and Nut Cake

As many people know I love to try and incorporate vegetables into my puddings, this was an interesting experiment.


1 pack of ready cut up cauliflower rice – microwaved cool and set aside

When cool pop into food processor with the following:

4 tb PB2

2 TB sweetener

4 tsp coco powder

tsp vanilla

tsp almond flavour

tsp ginger

tsp vanilla coffee granules

60 ml almond unsweetened milk

1 egg

tsp anise seeds

1/2 tsp baking powder

pinch bircarb

Whizz it all up until it is smooth, add to baking moulds, I chose small paper cases, topped with a few almonds

Baked in pre heated oven 180 approx 20 mins

There was enough batter to make an extra cake so topped with a few slices of nectarine as an experiment!

Results ! There is an underlying very subtle taste of cauliflower but not enough to offend, its really soft cake of sorts, boarding brownie texture. I would make again.


Recipes Uncategorised

Carrot Savoury Egg White Bites


grated carrot 1 medium or 3-4 small
1 egg white
approx 1/4 tsp of  each – garlic, cumin, pepper and salt, thyme and onion seeds
grate carrot
add all ingredients and whisk well
spray pan and mould with fry light or chosen oil, heat and then
add  the carrot batter, turn heat down
cook on a low heat slowly until set and turn over for another couple of minutes to brown
Could be eaten hot or cold, they hold their form well and you can adapt to make sweet or savoury using grated fruit and other flavours. I love to experiment and this is one I shall try and mix up the flavour combinations – just follow your own taste buds!
Recipes Uncategorised

Apricot and Raspberry Crisp

Fruit crisp:
Tinned apricots drained add some fresh raspberries
Blitz into crumbs 1 Warburtons thin
Mix with it, 2 tsp cinnamon, 2 TB Sukrin Gold, 1 tsp oil, tsp of vanilla
Top fruit with the crumbs and bake approx 30 mins 180
Served with custard 10 g of birds custard powder made with skimmed milk, flavoured with sweetener and cinnamon
Sprinkle 5 g almonds over the custard which I did after serving  – really lovely and crispy topping, rather like cheesecake base crumbled, this would bake a great cheesecake base if you baked the crumbs first
Recipes Uncategorised

Beef and Black Bean Chilli


1 tin drained black beans

1 pack 250g lean mince beef

1 onion finely chopped

1 chopped green pepper

1  chopped red pepper

1 beef oxo cube

tsp cumin

2 tsp cocoa powder

2  chopped cloves garlic

1 tsp smoked paprika or more if preferred

2 tsp thyme

1 tsp marjoram

1 tin chopped tomatoes

1 TB cider vinegar



Add onions, garlic and peppers into a pan sprayed with fry light or other oil chosen, cook on low heat until softened and add the spices, herbs, add the chopped tomatoes, cocoa powder

Add the drained black beans

In separate pan brown off the beef with some Lea and Perrins sauce, then add to the remaining ingredients and a few shakes of Tobasco sauce

Simmer on low for approx 30 mins – serve with rice or salad



Banana and Orange Pancakes

Banana and Orange Pancakes
satsuma (whole fruit with skin)
2 eggs
tsp cinnamon
Blitz to make a batter in food processor
Cook in non stick pan, I have found using silicone forms easier to keep a good shape
One Pink Lady apple cut up and cooked in water and cinnamon with frozen black cherries, cook until soft
I had saved the juice from tin of chick peas
Using an electric whisk, with tsp of sticky caramel flavouring, tb of sweetener, whisk until thick and creamy
This is really lovely alternative to cream and actually tastes quite nice
I love fennel seeds, so roasted a few in a pan and sprinkled over just before serving
My video link below from my YouTube: