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Fresh Air – lets talk the other side of weight loss success

Wow it has been a while since my air smelt fresh and hopeful and truly positive, what an amazing feeling to fall asleep to last night and wake up to again this morning.

So here I am with a clear mind after a succession of binges, I thought I had cracked my old habits and changed my life forever with Filling & Healthy, I saw some foods as poison, I envisaged the power of eating healthy and knew it was healing me like a medicine. Abstained from triggers which I knew would always trip me up. I had for once understood me and what I was capable of and could make myself stronger and powerful in my own truth, some 16 stone later with Weight Watchers I found myself living a life I could only of ever dreamed of.  In the beginning all I wanted was to be able to care for myself and be mobile, fitting into size 12 was not part of that end vision, my dream to save my own life. Yet I did achieve that, size 12, I can barely believe that number even though I know it is fact.

So when did the binges return? When did I become complacent? What happened to knowing my own truth? Did my own truth change? The binges never went away, I had replaced with healthier options of foods, whole tubs of fat free yogurt, punnet of grapes, I was still and still am a binger. The complacency crept upon me, I knew it was there but thought I could handle it, it will be ok tomorrow! Sound familiar? My inner truth has never changed, I just turned down the volume and chose to not listen.

I guess like any abuser, in my case it is food, the emotional reasons will always be there, also the habit of turning to that comfort will always be there, the answer is in mindfulness, not feeling guilt and acknowledging these things that are my make up. It is ok to be who I am and have frailty, it is not ok for me to give up on myself. Even during my binge days I knew I would get back to it, but in those moments that is what I had numbly chose to do.

How do I turn up my inner voice, how do I listen more to that voice than the negative words that can over power my positivity?  It is not easy, but by keep being persistent and breaking down into very small goals I was able to clear a pathway from the fogy path of the binge eater. It goes back to realising my triggers, which are for me as below:

stress

parties

holidays

change of routine

The outcome is consumption of alcohol which leads to eating snacks and rubbish processed foods, which leads to more alcohol and so the cycle begins, next day I get up thinking I will forget yesterday, start again, some times the line I draw the following day I am able to cope other days I may last an hour before the next binge.

So how did I lose so much weight to begin with? By accepting my triggers I knew to save my own life I had to abstain from certain situations and foods, which I did for 3 years. I found by abstaining I was able to remove temptation to a large degree, also I wanted so much to be mobile, so the reason to lose weight was so great much greater than wanting to eat cake, crisps and drink wine!

Is abstaining an option for life? As I have become more socialble, engaging in social situations, enjoying holidays, enjoying dressing up to go out, I felt I could take my own foods with me on many occasions and only drink diet coke, but the past year had seen me believe I can control these triggers on occasional basis, sometimes I did other times I could not.  Which has led to weight gain, I am enjoying a healthy and positive focus on life at the moment binge free – but do I want to go the rest of my life abstaining from my triggers?

I can’t imagine never enjoying a meal out and have a glass of wine, or a cream tea on holiday, or the odd fish and chip treat. But how do I control these treats? How do I stop the binge happening, because once I taste these foods I want more, more and more.

This is for life, which I have known for a long time and have accepted it, but truthfully when in a binge phase it certainly feels terrible because I have lost so much weight I felt ashamed to still be a binger as I had so much knowledge and expertise. Yet I am still fragile.

I will keep going one meal at a time, one day, invest in positive mind building and self esteem.

So many weight loss stories are about success then and now, but what happens when the successful weight loss turns out to be hard to maintain, what happens when you never get to goal? It is time to talk about the other side of weight loss, the person like me who has lost much weight and re gained some of it. Lost control, the weight loss journey is not just about losing weight, it is about facing the struggles, the times when it does not work because we do not use the plan we follow because of emotional distress or our lives being out of routine.

The Lisa below is the Lisa I enjoy being, this is the body and positive mind that is a joy to live with, I will never quit!

 

  • Top tip! Forget the scales, focus on mental well being, on eating well, one meal at a time, if you go to Weight Watchers like I do, go to class, even after a binge, perhaps don’t weigh in, but go, during these tough times is when we need support the most, this is then not about losing weight, it is about building yourself up emotionally in a positive way, with people who understand and care.

 

“I am a binge eater, I suffer with depression, I am not perfect, I am broken and fragile, I am open and honest, a woman who struggles and cares, I will never stop trying to live the life I dream of”

Banana and Marshmallow Cookies

Ingredients:

40 g oats

1 ripe banana

1 tsp sukrin gold

half tsp ginger

half tsp cinnamon

12 g mini marshmallows

1 g almonds

 

Mash banana well with a fork and mix it with the other ingerdients, saving almonds till last, share the mix out within two forms on top of baking paper, sprinkle with the almonds crushed and bake in over 180 approx 30/35 mins

Leave to cool and serve

I mixed fat free yogurt with vanilla coffee granules and half tsp vanilla, layered up with summer fruits

 

Sea Bass Stuffed With Anchovies

Ingredients:

1 sea bass filleted

tin anchovies drained

chopped fresh corriander

sliced fresh tomato

tsp garlic

salt and pepper

 

Place the fillets in a pan with fry light. On one side of the fish add the anchovies, tomato, coriander, season, pop lid on and cook on medium heat about 10 mins (add little water to help steam and stop it sticking)

When ready place the other half of the fillet on top, seasoned with garlic chilli salt and cook on a higher heat for another 5 mins

Portabello Mushroom Stuffed With Roe & Cheee Crumbs

Ingredients:

1 large mushroom

small amount approx 40 g cooked roe

3 TB bread crumbs I used Warburton Thin

tsp garlic

tsp thyme

tsp chilli

20 g my protein cheese grated finely

 

Press the roe into the large mushroom

 

Mix the remaining ingredients together and sprinkle over the stuffed mushroom

Season and bake in oven approx 30 mins 180

Never Ending Journey

Recently I have found myself being able to admit to myself and out loud to others that I have been having problems with binge eating, which usually happens on a weekend after a couple of drinks, then that leads onto feeling hungry, eating snacks, then another drink, then crazy tipsy cooking when I get home! Then the old homage to “I will start again on Monday’ I am sure many of you know that feeling?

Well I would say I am approx 21 lbs up on my happy place. I feel as though this last year and a half I have been living hanging onto the tail of a huge storm, holding tight and being whipped around not being able to breath, then catch my breath, then the swirling around out of emotional control which felt physical too, I was in the eye of my storm trying to  hold on, yet around and around in cycles I went.  The fighter in me kept believing I could sort this, yet I kept having great weeks in control then a few weeks out of control with the binging.

It has taken me a while, I stepped back from social media a little and just tried to focus on the why? Why do I want this? Today I was shopping and at the shopping centre I saw a very large man, tummy hanging to the floor passed his knees, hardly holding himself up and I recognised that figure, I wanted to cry and go and talk to him, but how could I? I listened to no one when I was in a similar physical position. This made me aware of many people around me today, looking on and so many people are over weight, and struggling to walk, it filled me with great sadness as I remember my own physical discomfort – I am not saying those people felt like me at all, they may be happy with their life. I was not and all I wanted was to be mobile, really mobile to enjoy life. So this really brought it home to me today, to remember why I want to eat healthier and control my eating and weight. My why is – I want to remain mobile.

So today is day 4 back in control of my eating, I have not gone hungry at all, I have made the most of vegetables, fruit and protein, made some kind of pudding that satisfies my sweet tooth, I dug deep and just focused on one day at a time, like I used to. This method has worked really well for me, so I decided to focus on just one day, getting to bed with that day in the bag and not worry about tomorrow.

As to planning, I buy a good stock of food in my cupboards, fridge and freezer that allow me to plan as I fancy, so it is a sort of lose planning, this has always worked for me. So I plan to continue to shop wisely, I am going on holiday in a caravan soon, I plan to take my own foods with me and make oat bran or oat cakes for treats while away. The biggest challenge really is not to have a beer or glass of wine, which I enjoy the taste of, I am trying to remind myself why I did not drink for 3 years – because I knew it was a trigger for me to go off the rails with eating, I do not want to be in the position for the rest of my life that I can not have a glass of wine or beer, but for now whilst I am recovering from binging I need to set it aside.

I am also reading positive quotes daily and listening to uplifting music, looking for new music. Planning a few dreams, I often dream of owning a coffee shop thats dog friendly, by the coast or river. I used to have a set of drums and enjoyed trying to learn to play them, I dream of starting that again too! I dream of a home near the ocean where I can hear the sea, I dream of my grand children coming to stay and we play and walk on the beach with Beau my dog running beside us. Dreaming is good it helps me feel positive and aim, find a way to make those dreams a reality. I am capable I made my dream of being mobile a reality now didn’t I?

Never going back  to this!

With the love of my husband, my family, my dog Beau and my friends at Weight Watchers I turned my life into one of hope and removed the word despair. Life is for living and appreciating the now and those in it, do not look back with regret it will rob you of hope and dreams of tomorrow. Love yourself and those around you

 

Thank you to my husband the love of my life

Lean Beef and Celeriac Pie

Sort if lean beef Italian sauce topped with celeriac mash with garlic , mustard and parsley, sprinkle of nutmeg and baked
 
Lean beef, chopped onion, chopped peppers, made chopped herb mix out my herb garden and fresh garlic in my mini chopper, then added tsp balsamic vinegar, lemon juice, tsp of tomato puree, tsp lea and perrins, tinned tomatoes, 1 oxo cube, chilli and garlic salt.
 
simmer and reduce the stock down until it thickens
 
I had some ready chopped celeriac from Waistrose, microwaved it, then blitzed it with tsp colmans mustard powder, little dried garlic, fresh parsley and coriander and pinch of dried, it was a bit dry so add tb or so of skimmed milk
 
topp the meat and sprinkled with little nutmeg then baked approx 20 mins at 200

Baked Apple

Score around the Bramley apple
Cover and part bake
 
When part cooked cut in half, cover with marmalade I used 15 g and sprinkled on cinnamon
 
Cover with foil and bake until soft
 
Whisk up an egg white with little sweetener, little cream of tartare, when thick top the apple halves and sprinkle with 5 g of almonds
 
Pop in oven for a few more minutes until brown
 
serve with fat free fromage frais flavoured with half packet of options white choc powder
 

Blueberry, Black Grape, Almond Oat Crisp

Such a simple little pudding

 

Ingredients:

about 150 g blueberries

about 8 seedless black grapes

10 g oats

5 g almonds

almond, vanilla flavour drops about 4 drops each

1 TB Sukrin Gold

tsp cinnamon

half tsp fennel seeds

Instructions:

Pop fruit in dish and sprinkle with flavours

Blitz the oats, cinnamon, almonds, sweetener in processor

Top the fruit

Sprinkle with few fennel seeds

Bake 180 approx 20 mins

I served with fat free fromage frais flavoured with half packet options white choc powder

 

Carrot Savoury Egg White Bites

Ingredients:

grated carrot 1 medium or 3-4 small
1 egg white
approx 1/4 tsp of  each – garlic, cumin, pepper and salt, thyme and onion seeds
Instructions:
grate carrot
add all ingredients and whisk well
spray pan and mould with fry light or chosen oil, heat and then
add  the carrot batter, turn heat down
cook on a low heat slowly until set and turn over for another couple of minutes to brown
Could be eaten hot or cold, they hold their form well and you can adapt to make sweet or savoury using grated fruit and other flavours. I love to experiment and this is one I shall try and mix up the flavour combinations – just follow your own taste buds!

Apricot and Raspberry Crisp

Fruit crisp:
 
Tinned apricots drained add some fresh raspberries
 
Blitz into crumbs 1 Warburtons thin
Mix with it, 2 tsp cinnamon, 2 TB Sukrin Gold, 1 tsp oil, tsp of vanilla
 
Top fruit with the crumbs and bake approx 30 mins 180
 
Served with custard 10 g of birds custard powder made with skimmed milk, flavoured with sweetener and cinnamon
 
Sprinkle 5 g almonds over the custard which I did after serving  – really lovely and crispy topping, rather like cheesecake base crumbled, this would bake a great cheesecake base if you baked the crumbs first