Author: lisa

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Never Ending Journey

Recently I have found myself being able to admit to myself and out loud to others that I have been having problems with binge eating, which usually happens on a weekend after a couple of drinks, then that leads onto feeling hungry, eating snacks, then another drink, then crazy tipsy cooking when I get home! Then the old homage to “I will start again on Monday’ I am sure many of you know that feeling?

Well I would say I am approx 21 lbs up on my happy place. I feel as though this last year and a half I have been living hanging onto the tail of a huge storm, holding tight and being whipped around not being able to breath, then catch my breath, then the swirling around out of emotional control which felt physical too, I was in the eye of my storm trying to  hold on, yet around and around in cycles I went.  The fighter in me kept believing I could sort this, yet I kept having great weeks in control then a few weeks out of control with the binging.

It has taken me a while, I stepped back from social media a little and just tried to focus on the why? Why do I want this? Today I was shopping and at the shopping centre I saw a very large man, tummy hanging to the floor passed his knees, hardly holding himself up and I recognised that figure, I wanted to cry and go and talk to him, but how could I? I listened to no one when I was in a similar physical position. This made me aware of many people around me today, looking on and so many people are over weight, and struggling to walk, it filled me with great sadness as I remember my own physical discomfort – I am not saying those people felt like me at all, they may be happy with their life. I was not and all I wanted was to be mobile, really mobile to enjoy life. So this really brought it home to me today, to remember why I want to eat healthier and control my eating and weight. My why is – I want to remain mobile.

So today is day 4 back in control of my eating, I have not gone hungry at all, I have made the most of vegetables, fruit and protein, made some kind of pudding that satisfies my sweet tooth, I dug deep and just focused on one day at a time, like I used to. This method has worked really well for me, so I decided to focus on just one day, getting to bed with that day in the bag and not worry about tomorrow.

As to planning, I buy a good stock of food in my cupboards, fridge and freezer that allow me to plan as I fancy, so it is a sort of lose planning, this has always worked for me. So I plan to continue to shop wisely, I am going on holiday in a caravan soon, I plan to take my own foods with me and make oat bran or oat cakes for treats while away. The biggest challenge really is not to have a beer or glass of wine, which I enjoy the taste of, I am trying to remind myself why I did not drink for 3 years – because I knew it was a trigger for me to go off the rails with eating, I do not want to be in the position for the rest of my life that I can not have a glass of wine or beer, but for now whilst I am recovering from binging I need to set it aside.

I am also reading positive quotes daily and listening to uplifting music, looking for new music. Planning a few dreams, I often dream of owning a coffee shop thats dog friendly, by the coast or river. I used to have a set of drums and enjoyed trying to learn to play them, I dream of starting that again too! I dream of a home near the ocean where I can hear the sea, I dream of my grand children coming to stay and we play and walk on the beach with Beau my dog running beside us. Dreaming is good it helps me feel positive and aim, find a way to make those dreams a reality. I am capable I made my dream of being mobile a reality now didn’t I?

Never going back  to this!

With the love of my husband, my family, my dog Beau and my friends at Weight Watchers I turned my life into one of hope and removed the word despair. Life is for living and appreciating the now and those in it, do not look back with regret it will rob you of hope and dreams of tomorrow. Love yourself and those around you

 

Thank you to my husband the love of my life

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Recipes

Lean Beef and Celeriac Pie

Sort if lean beef Italian sauce topped with celeriac mash with garlic , mustard and parsley, sprinkle of nutmeg and baked
 
Lean beef, chopped onion, chopped peppers, made chopped herb mix out my herb garden and fresh garlic in my mini chopper, then added tsp balsamic vinegar, lemon juice, tsp of tomato puree, tsp lea and perrins, tinned tomatoes, 1 oxo cube, chilli and garlic salt.
 
simmer and reduce the stock down until it thickens
 
I had some ready chopped celeriac from Waistrose, microwaved it, then blitzed it with tsp colmans mustard powder, little dried garlic, fresh parsley and coriander and pinch of dried, it was a bit dry so add tb or so of skimmed milk
 
topp the meat and sprinkled with little nutmeg then baked approx 20 mins at 200
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Recipes

Baked Apple

Score around the Bramley apple
Cover and part bake
 
When part cooked cut in half, cover with marmalade I used 15 g and sprinkled on cinnamon
 
Cover with foil and bake until soft
 
Whisk up an egg white with little sweetener, little cream of tartare, when thick top the apple halves and sprinkle with 5 g of almonds
 
Pop in oven for a few more minutes until brown
 
serve with fat free fromage frais flavoured with half packet of options white choc powder
 
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Recipes

Blueberry, Black Grape, Almond Oat Crisp

Such a simple little pudding

 

Ingredients:

about 150 g blueberries

about 8 seedless black grapes

10 g oats

5 g almonds

almond, vanilla flavour drops about 4 drops each

1 TB Sukrin Gold

tsp cinnamon

half tsp fennel seeds

Instructions:

Pop fruit in dish and sprinkle with flavours

Blitz the oats, cinnamon, almonds, sweetener in processor

Top the fruit

Sprinkle with few fennel seeds

Bake 180 approx 20 mins

I served with fat free fromage frais flavoured with half packet options white choc powder

 

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Recipes Uncategorised

Carrot Savoury Egg White Bites

Ingredients:

grated carrot 1 medium or 3-4 small
1 egg white
approx 1/4 tsp of  each – garlic, cumin, pepper and salt, thyme and onion seeds
Instructions:
grate carrot
add all ingredients and whisk well
spray pan and mould with fry light or chosen oil, heat and then
add  the carrot batter, turn heat down
cook on a low heat slowly until set and turn over for another couple of minutes to brown
Could be eaten hot or cold, they hold their form well and you can adapt to make sweet or savoury using grated fruit and other flavours. I love to experiment and this is one I shall try and mix up the flavour combinations – just follow your own taste buds!
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Apricot and Raspberry Crisp

Fruit crisp:
 
Tinned apricots drained add some fresh raspberries
 
Blitz into crumbs 1 Warburtons thin
Mix with it, 2 tsp cinnamon, 2 TB Sukrin Gold, 1 tsp oil, tsp of vanilla
 
Top fruit with the crumbs and bake approx 30 mins 180
 
Served with custard 10 g of birds custard powder made with skimmed milk, flavoured with sweetener and cinnamon
 
Sprinkle 5 g almonds over the custard which I did after serving  – really lovely and crispy topping, rather like cheesecake base crumbled, this would bake a great cheesecake base if you baked the crumbs first
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Beef and Black Bean Chilli

Ingredients:

1 tin drained black beans

1 pack 250g lean mince beef

1 onion finely chopped

1 chopped green pepper

1  chopped red pepper

1 beef oxo cube

tsp cumin

2 tsp cocoa powder

2  chopped cloves garlic

1 tsp smoked paprika or more if preferred

2 tsp thyme

1 tsp marjoram

1 tin chopped tomatoes

1 TB cider vinegar

 

Directions:

Add onions, garlic and peppers into a pan sprayed with fry light or other oil chosen, cook on low heat until softened and add the spices, herbs, add the chopped tomatoes, cocoa powder

Add the drained black beans

In separate pan brown off the beef with some Lea and Perrins sauce, then add to the remaining ingredients and a few shakes of Tobasco sauce

Simmer on low for approx 30 mins – serve with rice or salad

 

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Recipes

Butterbean Mash

I just adore butterbean mash!

so simple and very adaptable with any flavour and meal or even to top a pie of choice.

My simple way of making it as below.

Ingredients:

1 tin drained butterbeans

1 chopped white onion or shallots

1 clove garlic chopped

1 large stick of celery

chopped fresh coriander

tsp mustard of choice I used wholegrain

1 veg oxo cube

approx 150 ml water to mix with oxo

 

Directions:

Chop onion, garlic, celery stick, into small pieces, then simmer in pan with little water, add the beans when soft

Add the oxo cube made with the water

Season as wished – I used chilli pepper

Reduce the water down and add the mustard, and fresh corriander

Mash well with fork or masher, add a little fresh chopped coriander to decorate

I served with lemon sole simply cooked in water with a fish spice grinder

 

 

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Blog

It’s not always a clear open road

So many weight loss success stories focus on the before and after, whilst I have turned my own life around by losing a significant amount of weight, I have yet to get to ‘goal’ as dictated by BMI, Weight Watchers guidelines, or even in my case as agreed by my Dr.

It is quite strange as I type my WW coach just called me to see how I am, Helen is a friend more than a coach and WW are very lucky to have such a genuine woman heading up her class in Swindon. She has just helped me realise a few things and that I am beating myself up for no good reason. She asked me to write a list of the positive things I have achieved since losing weight. I will do this at the end of my blog post. Which after a positive talk from Helen, has somewhat taken a more upbeat wording.

Back to my first paragraph, I have been feeling the last year a bit of a failure as I have not managed to get to goal, not managed to get to that perfect number! I guess one of my own personal problems is that I often see things in a very black and white perspective and this can lead to self criticism, it leads to self disappointment and feelings that I can and should do better.

Taking a step back can be quite tricky at times of self criticism, sometimes must putting your feelings down into words or talk to a friend or loved one, does really help put some clarity and more than that reasoning.

Weight loss journey for me is more than just losing weight, it has been about self belief, self love, patience, understanding, compassion, building vision of an outcome, a life that would be an ideal. However along the way it is so vital to keep focus on the steps you are taking now, enjoy the life of today, build a happier life by believing in oneself and add as much joy into it as you can. Simple things, the small things in a day can be overlooked. I try to live a mindful life, I guess writing my feelings down as I am now, is living mindfully. These words flow from my thoughts they are not orchestrated, they area as if I was talking to you in the same room.

Regaining focus, how shall I do that today? There is no end to self development, there is a technical goal post win when you get to your weight loss goal, but it is not over, it never will be. Today I will show myself some compassion and set a realistic vision of who I am and what I have achieved, there is no need to reach a perfection that I consider I should achieve. I have achieved my own goal, I am happy and mobile, also yes I have shown self compassion, even when I do not think I have, I practice it daily, because I keep trying to move onwards and evolve who I am.

Today I also aim to try and re focus on why I wanted to lose weight. Keep the big picture too

  1. To be mobile
  2. Independant
  3. self care, no longer a burden
  4. Be a better wife, parent, friend
  5. Travel
  6. Feel alive

Below 10 things I have achieved:

  1. Mobility
  2. Be a better grandmother and parent due to being mobile
  3. Travelled, plane, hot air ballon, bike, boat, bus, train
  4. Positive minded
  5. Helped other people
  6. Buy clothes from any almost any shop
  7. Creative with cookery
  8. Sit in any chair
  9. Had a massage, make over
  10. Able to dream and plan a future

No matter where you are on your journey of self development, just keep going, one step after another, some steps will feel light and effortless, others like walking through sludge, just keep moving!

Lisa x

 

 

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Blog

Compare and Despair

Compare and despair.  Sound familiar?

Having spent many years going around in circles of needing to feel worthy next to the next person. Why was my self esteem so very low? Trying to understand all of my past experiences and self berating and belittling, self hate and feelings of failure, seems these days somewhat futile energy. However it is something that needs to be shared and accepted by myself too.

I do have memories of childhood where I had some family members often saying’ she is so clumsy, she can’t walk down the road without falling over, don’t let Lisa do it she will break it. It must have been said often as it is something I remember with hurt.  It just goes to show we must always be positive with children, well everyone in our lives! It was never my parents, my parents always thought I was the bees knees, it was wider family really who looked down on me, well that is how it felt. Perhaps I wanted to have approval, that is why those comments as a child hurt and stuck with me?

As a child I carried lots of stress baggage and took those coping mechanisms into adult hood – i.e. emotional eating!  It also led me to think I had to be perfect in everything I do and if I did not achieve perfection, even in the simplest of tasks I felt I had failed, I was useless, compared to other people, other family members, other friends and neighbours.

Here I am at 54 years of age and for the first time in my life I feel I am getting to grips with this feeling, well in fact it was some 4 years ago really, when I met a physiologist who helped me to move on, not from the memories, but from how I felt about me. His help was invaluable. I explained to him how I felt about myself, in detail, I cried, I poured my heart out, he sat and listened and when my ramblings subsided and tears and sobs turned into soft sniffs and gentle tears, he started to speak. His words so mind altering. He said to me, ‘Lisa how would you feel listening to someone who had just said all those things to you about themselves?’ ‘Would you feel badly about them and think yes they are useless and ugly?’ ‘Would you join in a add to the hurt?’ I can remember looking at him and said ‘ no of course not, I would naturally want to hug them, console them, help them see the beauty and positive in who sat before me’ I rambled on some more about what and how I would try and help them. He then said something to me that helped me, to help me! ‘Well then Lisa, if you can show that kindness to others, why can you not show the same compassion to yourself?’ Wow for me that was a revelation!

He helped me put those negative words into the sky and let them float away, sounds a little silly, but it was not, it helped so much, acknowledge the thoughts, appreciate they do not define us or how we live or want to live and just let them float away.

Still today the feeling of not being quite as good as piers around me rears its head, it takes skill of knowing myself well to quieten it and let it go, the sky above is littered with many feelings I let free. Comparing ourselves to others is ridiculous yet for many of us natural to look at the person next to you and think they are better, look better, achieve more, nicer, kinder, cleverer, successful, lucky, all round amazing person, yet in fact those people may look at you standing beside them in just the same way – humans are so funny!

Don’t let comparison be the theif of your own happiness!

Until the next time

Lisa x